By: Stephanie Brown
During the past week of winter finally hitting Northern Arizona, a serious condition has affected many of our beloved ERAU community.
Studies show that southern Californians and Arizonans have been struck by a severe side effect of the cold; many simply “cannot even” in the recent frigid Prescott temperatures.
We are witnessing the poor warm-blooded creatures attempting to dig themselves back into their cocoons of sub-zero temperature-withstanding down parkas, all the while being pulled out into harsh 40 degree weather by cruelties like homework and exams.
Then you have the few and the valiant, the Hawaiians attempting to brave the cold and dream their way back to their warm homeland by wearing skirts and shorts outside, dooming their calves and shins to the freezing elements.
Then there are the hard-bodied, cold-blooded northwestern Eskimo folk, Coloradans, Mid-Westerners, Canadians, and – God forbid – the New Yorkers. With hearts as cold as the weather, these creatures stumble about in the cold with light jackets and possibly even sandals, merely squinting their eyes at the cold winds and steam from their breath in the air.
The heartless souls turn their back on those new and young in the life of withstanding colder than 60 degree weather. Telling them to “man up,” poking fun at their oversized winter jackets when “it’s not even freezing outside,” snatching their hats or gloves to watch them shiver in the cool sunlight.
This cruelty has to stop. Not only are we facing the largest spread of “evens” that people cannot reach this holiday season since the return of pumpkin spice in September, we have people in our community that are not taking this epidemic seriously, claiming that it isn’t a real condition, and people can just get over it.
A condition such as “can’t even” is not one to solve itself; there must be support for victims.
Those suffering from the Antarctic-like temperatures of Prescott early in the winter season are urged to take cover in warm buildings and rooms, tote a personal heater with them everywhere they go – perhaps even an electric blanket – and cover every bare inch of skin when venturing outside; yes, even your nose and eyes.
If you cannot see what obstacles you may be walking into, nor breathe, death will perhaps take mercy on you by claiming you sooner, and you will no longer be doomed to the cold.
For those who are fortunate to still have the ability to “even,” please be sympathetic to those who cannot. Perhaps lend them your hot beverage, or share your cocoons. Remember, we cannot return the “evens” to those without them if it is not a team effort.
If we don’t watch out, the epidemic will surely, as Mr. President-Elect puts it, become “huge,” possibly even “bigly!”