Stephanie Brown

Ooh, a new challenge! Let’s all stand completely still with weird poses and facial expressions while someone records the non-moving. Have we come full circle back to stills combined to make movies? You all realize that the recording of moving, acting characters was a pretty big step in film, correct? But no, we all feel the need to reenact the stills created for dramatic effect in one of the most technologically advanced movies of the season: Doctor Strange. Now, don’t get me wrong, that movie is awesome, and the mannequin challenge is actually pretty cool—there’s just something about watching people try to stay as still as possible and make these insane scenes that look completely fake, outside of reality and forces like gravity. But come on, it’s a little strange–see what I did there?

Can someone tell me how these challenges start, anyway? I understand this one was inspired by the animation in the film, but I want to know who decides that they’re going to re-enact those scenes in their living room dressed in boxers and a hoodie—which, I’m sorry, does not compare to the awesomeness of Dr. Strange’s robes and medallion and crazy out-of-his-body world—and then post it online. More than that, I think a question we all need to be asking ourselves is how these ridiculous “challenges” catch on and become a whirlwind trend for all of 30 seconds before disappearing again into nothing and nowhere Internet history.

I mean, really, the millennial generation is this focused on trends of the moment and has such short attention spans that we can only enjoy one stupid thing at a time, for a few days at most, and move on after we’ve exhausted all human, cat, dog, cactus, milk jug, and hat interpretation of the thing. Does anyone even remember the cinnamon challenge? That’s just part of the weird Internet history that future generations—or the aliens that take over the planet—will dig up from a time capsule sometime, millennia from now, looking for indications of intelligent life of the 2010’s. And what are they going to find? Videos of people choking on cinnamon and gallons of milk, lying face down on any and all random objects, and standing perfectly still for extended periods of time.

Chances are that the history books of the future will be documenting these odd and horrible means of punishment of our time with pictures of emo middle-schoolers, hipsters with man-buns, and girls with shoelaces in bows around their necks as the subjects.

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