I just broke up with my latest girlfriend. I’ve had three relationships back to back, honestly I can’t remember a time when I haven’t been in a relationship. It feels really weird but I’m not sure a relationship is a good idea for me right now, I’m not even sure who I am without someone. I miss having someone to be with but, I really need to focus on school right now. I just found out someone wants to go out with me; what should I do?
Dear loveless lover,
it sounds like you are torn but already have your answer. You know what you need to focus on and you are already putting those things first, good for you. Remember that any relationship should include the well-being of everyone involved in it. Is it really fair to ask someone only to be in a physical relationship? If you can find someone willing, are you the kind of person that would be able to handle that without attaching more meaning to it? If not, is it fair to you or the other person to engage? That said, there are ways you can get your physical fix in without being attached to someone. Find friends who like to hug or hold hands and hug or hold hands with them. If you don’t have a pet, visit the humane society, dog park or petting zoo and get your cuddle on. You can make a date night for yourself, indulge in what you like best.
I have friends who all think that when I defend someone who is gay that I am attacking them personally. They say they are tired of people pushing their sexuality in their faces. What they can’t seem to see is that society pushes hetero-love in everyone’s faces all the time. How can I talk to them about this and make them understand that everyone has the right to love and be loved in the way their body, mind and heart tells them is right?
when faced with the throng of starving French peasants crying out for bread, Marie Antoinette is storied to have said, “There’s no bread? Let them eat cake.” She had never gone hungry and couldn’t understand that the aristocracy had bled the people of every crumb. People who are born into wealth or who meet the social ideals of the day often find it difficult to see or understand the struggles that others may have in walking the same path that they take for granted. Until someone can be brought to see their own privilege and recognize that they benefit from it in ways that others may not, they, like Marie Antoinette, will never be able to understand why others don’t just do like they do and eat cake. To open another’s heart takes the guts to invite them in to share new experiences and the willingness to show the difference between the reality and what they have formulated from their outsider’s perspective. My quote for the week is “To the privileged, equality feels like discrimination.” If we insist on asking for change we have to be ready to face those ill-equipped to deal with that change.